Sunday Night - 10:45 pm

Hello Readers,
Well it's already pretty late and I am so tired, but I was going to do my best to write about the day and some silly things that have happened. Tomorrow we have a lot going on. Tomorrow I have an 8 am appt. with the diabetes doctor and then a 10 am appt. with a nutrition doctor. And then we are going to camp out on the second floor for dermatology for a cancellation because they can't work me into their schedule until the 22nd of January and We are supposed to fly out on the 23rd. Well I know that dermatology will want to do some allergy testing and biopsy so that will mean more appointments the following week and then we will still need the wrap up appt. with my doctors and a new plan of action for when I get home. So tomorrow we are basically going on stand by like at the air port for for a doctor appt. Also if it doesn't work tomorrow, then we will have to come back on Tuesday and camp out ttheere. It is the only appt. I can't get into until the 22nd.. All the rest finish on the 14th except the final wrap up with the doctors and that can't happen till I see this doctor. Also please continue to pray for my blood sugars. They are jumping all over the place and with Karen as my witness I am eating very carefully and not much carbs, but can be low one minute and 2 hours later be at 354. And all I ate was a sandwich. So I am praying for the doctors wisdom tomorrow as he looks at these sugars. It is so nice to have Karen here to witness this because I know that I am doing the best I can and not eating any sweets, sugars etc. She is seeing first hand how hard this disease can be.

In the mean time, as I said before, we have done quite a bit of walking between hotel and clinic. I am trying to excercise a little more and take less and less pain medication. I am getting lots of fresh air that way and excercising some of these still joints and muscles. The sunshine makes me happy and wraps me in it's warmth. A good friend of mine that used to live in Arizona sent me an email with the names of the plants and flowers I have been posting. She also warned us about the "teddy bear" or "jumping" cactus. Oh my gosh. U tube it. We saw some amazing videos. Also we decided to look up Arizona wildlife and insects...tell you what, I am so happy to be on the 6th floor of this building and I am going to be walking on the road or on a well established path from now on. I vote for the next Survivor to take place in the middle of this desert. Jumping cacti, poisen spraying bugs, thorns and needles on everything. It's crazy. And the bugs...oh my gosh. Now don't get me wrong..it is Amazing here, but I am not longer quite feeling the pull of transplanting here as much as before. A girl can change her mind, right? Well it's getting late and I need to sleep. It has been a long day and I am tired and have an early day tomorrow. Love to all, and good night.

Weekends are kinda hard...

Hello Friends,

Today is Sunday the 10th. This weekend has been a variety of emotions for me. Happy, Sad, Strong (I can anything), Weak (I can do nothing), sometimes just wanting to give up and go home and other times of basking in the sun Thanking God for His Goodness and Mercy. One of the things I was diagnosed with on Thursday was Major Depression and GAD - Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I was really embarrassed about that and I am still am. My eyes tear up each time I think about it. Mental illness is a hard thing to talk about, to deal with, and to treat. But really for me, I think it hurts my pride more than anything. I am so embarrassed by this diagnosis. It was not what I wanted or expected to hear. Really I didn't, but when I read the books and look at the report from the doctor there it is in black and white. I have started on a new medication that is supposed to help with these disorders and also will have a psychiatrist to follow up with at home.
If I think about it, it's no wonder I am in need of some help. My best friend was brutally murdered, we had to close my husband's dream business, we filed a bankruptcy, lost our house, our car, left our church, was sued by a former minister/friend of the church, and are now going through a painful separation. I think maybe a lot of people would be a bit depressed by that. Then add in brittle diabetes, unexplained pain, lots of meds, and a teen-ager and a preschooler. No wonder I can't work. My brain is just jumping from thing to thing without quitting or quieting. And I have lived in this condition for a long time now. But somehow the sun still shines, the flowers still bloom, I still laugh at funny jokes and am proud of my kids. There are times I feel God's gentle voice leading me and guiding me and times when it is just blackness. But in the blackness if I take a step the light seems to come. If I stay still and am fearful to move, then it is a black day indeed. I am sure as doctors find the answers we seek, and I find hope in my Lord again, the black days will disappear all together.
The bible says that the truth is what sets us free..so I accept the fact that I am here in search of answers and the right medications for my body and even answers I don't want to hear, but the truth is that Jesus died on the cross so I would be healed. The bible says in Isaiah "By His stripes, they were healed". Sometimes the truth is ugly but once we face it, it can become a fact and a new truth will take it's place.
We went to church today at the Mayo Clinic Hospital. They have a small chapel and services at 10 am on Sundays. The chaplain was very good and his words were gentle and hopeful. He gave me a lot to think about today..one of the major things I have had to deal with is abandonment. I have been left by two husbands, I feel abandoned by family that didn't want to help me get here, I feel abandoned when ever I open the door to let that feeling overtake me. It can lead to that dark place. So today at church I really got a picture of me as a child that has lost its way and the fear that comes with it. And maybe the fact is that I get lost as easy as I get abandoned. And I need to come to the truth that if I let go of my hurts and fears I will be able to reach out to God and let Him lead me in the way I should go.
I know heavy thoughts for today..but I guess somedays are just like that. I will post again later cause I do have some funnies to share, but this post doesn't seem appropiate.
Thank you for your love, prayers, support and understanding...I know you are out there!
Love,
becca

T.G.I.F. - Clinic Is Closed for Weekend

Today was a great picture taking day..I started off the morning taking pictures of Karen making our dinner in the crock pot. We had Tortilla Soup. So yummy for dinner...I mean really yummy. When we got back to hotel we could smell our soup all down the hallway. Today we had to go to the clinic to make some schedule changes. You have to put in requests and then the scheduler writes a letter to the doctor and then you have to wait. There were some conflicting appointments. The schedulers are all in one room in separate booths. You stand in line and wait for a turn and then they can print you out a schedule and instructions for each lab/radiology test and people walk around the clinic like they are at a huge conference following their itineraries. There are 5 levels in the clinic and it is very easy to get lost. Most of the workers are awesome and helpful. Today when we were trying to find something to do for the rest of the day and weekend..one of the volunteers offered to give us a ride to the mall. She was very kind. She told us a taxi would cost about $50. There was no way we were going to pay that and there were no buses of any kind to catch at the Clinic so we had to catch the shuttle back to the hospital. Then at the hospital we learned that there was a bus that went to Paradise Valley Mall. We caught the bus and headed out. The mall had a Dillard's which is a store well known down here, it reminded me of Nordstrom's but I have never seen so many COACH bags in one place. They had aisles of them. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to take pictures of them..lol. The mall was pretty and it had a carousal in it. The carousal had all kinds of animals, not just horses and was located in the food court where we had a sandwich and salad at a place called Paradise Bakery and then we wandered the mall for a bit. Very cool stores..I tried to show Karen Hollestier, but we walked in and the music was booming so loud that we had to walk right back out. It was ok, we couldn't have even afforded underwear there..lol. The shoe stores were incredible. I am serious. I have never seen such a variety of shoes offered at once. The summer sandles were right next to the boots..crazy, but so fun. Then we went outside and caught the bus back to the hospital and the sunset was so glorious that I had to take some pictures of it on our walk back to the hotel. In one of my other pictures I have posted a couple of days ago it looks like a pile of sticks with thorns growing straight up..well today there were leaves covering them, so I had to include a picture of that. I am not sure how to write comments under the pictures, so if you have any questions feel free to ask. Also if you click on the pictures they will get bigger so you can see the whole thing. I am loving Arizona. There are some pretty crazy drivers and some not so nice wild life and the summers get really hot, but it is so pretty here. The houses and apartments are lovely. Today I saw a rent special sign..I posted it. The rent special was "Free Heat and Hot Water" didn't mention air conditioning though. Thought it was so funny. Especially being a little quirky from Spokane. I love the sunrises and the sunsets. The mountains are tall and majestic. There is no snow. But I am so homesick for my kids, I could leave tomorrow. I am really hoping to get some of these schedule requests back and be done by next week. We will just put it in God's hands and go from there. Enjoy the pictures.
Love, becca

Thursday January 7th,

Hello Readers, Hope your day has been as productive as mine. It was a pretty good day and I feel that lots got accomplished, but I am so tired again. Each time I come back I am more tired than I was when I left. Today was very overcast and cloudy. At the end of the day the sun was finally peeking out and things were looking pretty again. I had to be at the hospital at 8 am this morning. I had some heart tests to do..wasn't really too scared till I got into the room and saw more wires and a TREADMILL! The first part of the test I laid on the bed with sticky buttons placed in about 12 places on both sides of my upperchest. The tech then proceeded to do an ultrasound on my heart. I got to watch and it was pretty cool to see. It was in color so she could see which blood was returning and which was being pumped out. She gave me a tour of my heart valves and artery. I really liked how she treated me and shared her knowledge. Then said "remember exactly how you are laying right now..." I said "Ok?" And she then explained that the next part of the test required me to get on the treadmill and get my heart rate up to 158 beats per minute. Then once that happened I had to jump on the bed and get in that same exact position so that she could take pictures of my heart again to compare and there was only a 30 second time frame. Talk about pressure...ha ha! I made a pun..get it? Blood pressure! LOL.
The treadmill part was not fun. And everytime I was about to ask "are we there yet/" the dumb thing would start going faster and go up like an incline...Think I was breathing like a horse when the nurse yelled "Jump!" I did too. I leaped from the death machine to the bed into position gladly. But it was very difficult to hold my breath for the ultrasound tech when she was taking pictures. There was no way I could talk..how do people do that for longer then 10 minutes every day? That was pure torture, especially in a hospital gown with footie slippers.

After that test we came back to the hotel because I didn't have my next appointment until 1pm across the campus. We talked the van driver into taking us to a place called "Whole Foods". If you are from Spokane..it's basically a Huckleberry's on steriods. But even awesomer. They made everything look yummy in there. I have never seen such a variety of cheeses, whole grain breads, crackers, organic fruits and veggies, seafoods, meats, etc. Have you ever heard of a "air cooled" chicken? Google it...I am sold. We bought red pepper hummus, pita bread, sun dried tomato and basil humus, some really yummy cheese and carrot and onion for our soup tomorrow. It was such a fun place. There was a fantastic wine selection, but Karen didn't want to look and I knew we couldn't buy..so I just admired from afar. I want a "Whole Foods" in Spokane.
Our van driver was Wayne. I call him Cowboy Wayne. I was asking him if the land we were passing was wild or just planned that way because it was pretty. He said "Oh that is wild land, don't go walking on that.." Karen and I had been taking short cuts through the "wild land" a lot to get to the hospital to catch the early morning shuttle. Karen looked at me and I looked at her and we both asked "why not?" Wayne then proceeded to tell us that even though it's January and the snakes and scorpions are mostly dormant, they occasionally come out. He told us that all the landscapers duct tape their pants to their socks because you would never even see a scorpion and it would have bitten you 9 to 11 times before you got it off. He said never walk in the wild again. We said very meekly that we would not..and here I was hoping to see a snake..lol.
So we will be walking on the side walks from now on. We were surprised to see that there were no signs saying not to walk across the dessert, but apparently everyone else already knows not to do that. We got back, put away the groceries and then got a ride to the hospital to catch the shuttle to the clinic. At the Clinic I had to see the heart doctor. He went over this mornings tests and all was normal. So happy to hear that. He gave me a physical and listened to lungs and heart beats etc. My blood pressure was fine, I have a rapid heart beat..98 beats per minute. I asked about that and the smaller you are the faster your heart beats..wierd. Anyways I have lost more weight..down to 120 pounds. Haven't weighed that since I got married..in 1992. Of course losing all that weight made it really easy for them to find my heart today..but we won't go into that.
After the bone doctor I saw a "sleep doctor" which is their word for shrink. He was very friendly and made a lot of notes. There was even a couch..but I sat in a chair. He changed one of my medications and I think it will be a good change as eventually it will elimate 2 that I take now. After the "sleep doctor" I had a bone density test. I had more x-rays of my spine (if the x-ray techs are recognizing you...there is a problem. I am praying I keep all my hair with the amount of radiation in me. And then a bone scan with another machine in another room. Finally it was time to catch the shuttle to the hospital..it is about an 1/2 hour ride, then called the hotel van to come get us. I was way to tired to walk and my feet were so swollen.
The hotel had a pasta bar set up for dinner. It was very yummy and everyone seemed to enjoy it. I am down typing in the lobby right now. In a bright orange pod..have to take a picture, to hard to explain. Well it's 8:30 pm..so this girl is taking her meds and a hot bath. Then the Mentalist is on..at least I hope so..I am posting more pictures. I am sorry it won't let me make comments under them. But I have also posted some on my face book page and they do have comments...love to all from the "Wild Lands", Becca

Wednesday, January 6th - Shock Treatment!

Hi Friends, Today we had to be checked in at the clinic by 7:45, which ment that we had to catch the 7:00 AM shuttle. We checked with front dest and their van driver doesn't start till 7:00 AM so we had to race for the shuttle ourselves. It was still dark and I was cold. I was quite nervous about missing the shuttle because they come only ever half hour and you can't be later for your registration. They will make you reschedule your appointment. So there we were huffing it in the cold, well about 48 degrees cold. Hoping and praying we would make the shuttle. We even jogged a little. This is 2 people who are still sore from the accident on Monday. I think I thought of several things I was going to tell the hotel manager when we came back but stayed focused on the road before us. So we crossed the street so that the cars were coming towards us..in case we had to flag down the shuttle. People driver crazy in this state. Karen and I watched 9 cars in a row run a stop sign. Finally we got there, we were warmed up for sure. The shuttle was just closing his doors and then saw us coming. So away we went. I was ready to go back to bed for sure...We got to the clinic and up to registration. We didn't have to wait that long to be called. The doctor came in. He is the specialist that deals with neurology. He looked at my charts and all the meds I was on. He then had me walk, balance, touch me nose and do all kinds of things. I felt like I was taking a test for drunk driving..lol. I don't think I would have passed. He seemed most concerned about the amounts of medications I was taking and assured me that I probley was forgettful because of amount of medications and the variety of medications I was on. He tested my short term memory and said it was fine. But he was concerned about my hands and nerves in them. I was then sent to Audiology for a hearing test. I passed wth flying colors. I was telling the doctor about needing the words on tv, but he said the a lot of tv shows and movies don't show the actor talking and we do more lip reading then we realize. He also gave me a card on better communication. I kinda felt a little dumb after that appointment. It was only 10 AM and I was ready to collapse. Luckily my next appointment was not until 2:30 so we caught the shuttle back to the hotel and I climbed back in bed. I think I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow. Karen took the hotel shuttle to do some grocery shopping while I slept. At 1 pm I got up, ate some lunch and prepared to go back to the clinic for my Electromyography with Dr. Ross. I was quite nervous about this test because you had to be very warm and I always seem to be cold and it had the word electro in it. The instructions stated that the test could go one to three hours...I was instructed to lay down and they covered my hands and arms with a blanket. Then the two techs came in and they were very nice and explained everything they were doing each step of the way. Basically they started with placing electrodes along my hand, back of hand, wrist, arm, elbow and up by my shoulder..then they hooked of wires to the different points and sent shock waves..started smal..not so bad, but each turn of the knob got worse. My arm moved on its own accord a couple of times. I think it was trying to slap the tech..lol. Finally they took off everything and I was like ok well that was not sooo bad and boom..they are swing my bed around and rehooking up my OTHER arm..I just smiled and tried to make the best of it. It was funny because when the test was done, both techs said to me "don't you run away, the doctor will want to see you and do his own tests" "He doesn't like it when the patient dissappears." At that point I seriously was considering making a run for it. LOL..I waited for over another 1/2 hour and the doctor finally came it. He was so nice. Dr. Ross said that the tests showed that I had severe carpal tunnel in my left hand and all a pretty good case in my right hand also. It was so good to hear that I was not dropping things for no reason. I wasn't imagining things..something was wrong. He talked to me about getting surgery, the sooner the better, but preferred to wait till I was home in Spokane so I would have a doctor to follow up with. Then he had to do his tests..he stuck needles in my arm in different places. The needle went down far enough to make me bleed and then he would run the electrical currents through wires attached. He was double checking that the problem was in my hands and not stemming from my neck muscles which would have meant a muscular disease. After that he pulled out all the sharp owies and told me how great I did and that he would send a report to the main doctor. I did run out that time. We came straight back to the hotel and have just been hanging out. Karen's camera is missing, so we are praying it will be found.. For dinner we just went downstairs. The hotel was having BBQ night and there was free hamburgers, hot dogs, potato salad, ranch beans, potato chips and ice tea and lemonade. Now we are in our room getting ready to work on Thank You cards to all the generous people that have helped us get here. Tomorrow I start the day at the hospital with an ultrasound of my heart, then to the clinic for an appointment with the heart doctor and then more labs. I took some more pictures today. It is so pretty here and the days are just more and more pretty. A lot of the cati are blooming and each day we see something new. I saw woodpeckers yesterday, and humming birds. Both the sunrises and the sunsets are a sight to behold. Thanks for taking this journey with me. I have receive so many kind words, texts, and comments on my facebook page. I truly appreciate your support. Love and smiles, Becca

Day 2 - Our Next Adventure..

This morning we got to sleep in because the machine I wore all night was not due back until Noon. I slept until 10 AM..Karen had mercy on me because of the night before I am sure. She was up bright and early herself. I woke once and saw her reading by the window, and I thought "How does she do that?" Next time I woke up she was fresh from shower and a cup of coffee was next to me on bedside table. What a blessing...We took our time getting ready..I even put makeup on. And then I checked my phone and I had 2 messages from the Mayo Clinic. It turned out that I had been scheduled for 2 tests that morning starting at 9am, but had not been told about it..hmmm that girl must have forgotten to call..Anyways we headed over on the shuttle to return the machine and then went to stand in line for a scheduler. I explained what happened, told her about the shuttle accident, and she was very kind and gave me most of the rest of my schedule...appointments and tests all the way to the 14th so far..and then told us to go back to the hotel and get some rest. So that is what we did. It was a nice day. We are both still a bit sore from the accident, but the hospital paid all our bills and covered all x-rays etc. Then later this afternoon we went to the little shopping center down the road. The hotel will shuttle you in a 2 mile radius. We got the stuff to start working on Thank You cards, and I hunted everywhere for Altoids...so far Arizona doesn't seem to like Altoids cause I am having a hard time finding them. Also went to Ross and I got a cape made out of fleece for about $12. I am freezing here. I think in my head I thought it was going to be 80 degrees every day. Well during the day it is really nice out more like 68 - 70 degrees and the sun is glorious. But in the morning and at night it is quite chilly and I didn't bring hardly anything warm to wear. This blanket cape is great..sits on my shoulders like a poncho and I am warm..finally. It is even chilly in the Mayo Clinic. One of my tests tomorrow requires me to have warm hands and feet so I am going to wear a scarf, my blanket poncho, 2 pairs of socks and long sleeves. I figure I can peel off layers as I need to.
Arizona is beautiful. The sky amazes me. Though it is a lot different from home...Phoenix is a pretty city with hardly any litter. The houses blend into the landscape..and the mountain range is blue from a distance, but black and craggy up close. It is so different to see bare mountains, in WA state our mountains are covered with trees and snow. I am adding some pictures I took today. One is of a birds nest inside the middle of a spindly cactus. They are everywhere. We saw a Red Cardinal today..so vividly red because the cactus was so green. I wish I could have gotten a picture. Absolutely beautiful. Hope you are enjoying these blogs as much as I enjoy writing them. I thank God everyday for this wonderful opportunity. God bless you where every you are.

Mayo Clinic - Day 1

On Day 1 we were up bright and early at 5:30 am..after not sleeping too well the night before, I was not feeling bright and it was still dark outside so it seemed late not early. We had to walk over to the hospital and catch the shuttle to the clinic. The walk is not too bad about half a mile. We got to the clinic right on time and registered. Then at 8 am I met with my main doctor to go over medical records, talk about how I was feeling, and a physical. After that long appointment we were sent to the scheduling desk and registered there. We were then given a pager and told to come back when it buzzed and they would have all the doctors orders input and give me an itinerary for the next 2 weeks. My pager went off about 30 minutes later and then I had to stand in line to turn the pager in. In a corner of my appointment list it was stamped that the itinerary was incomplete. We went and asked what that meant and the lady told us to start on the days appointments and they would have the rest of the schedule made by 3pm. So off we went to the Lab, where I graciously gave lots of blood (14 vials) and some other specimen you don't want to know about. We then had a 45 min. wait for the next appointment and got a small lunch in their cafe and shared it. It was blackened catfish over white rice and veggies on side. (Yes, Karen made me eat 2 bites of veggies) There is a really great nature trail to walk but we were pretty tired so we just found exactly where it was and marked it for another day. After finding the nature trail, we came back to the 2nd floor to meet with a nurse that assigned me a machine to wear to bed. I took some pictures of it. It was not uncomfortable at all. It just hooked onto my finger and then we taped the wire around my wrist and it stayed beside me in bed. The machine measures your oxygen level and your heart rate. After we got the device, the next appointment was radiology and I was x-rayed from head to toe. It took a very long time almost an hour. After I got dressed again we went back to the scheduling desk to get the rest of the missing itinerary and the scheduler told us that there wasn't anything else for the day and to just be there on Wednesday for my next appointment because they were waiting on some insurance verification for the sleeping doctors. I asked if she was sure because I had to come back to return the sleeping machine the next day and I was sure the doctor had mentioned some appointments the next day. She assured me that if anything was added they would call me. It was only 3pm but I was exhausted. All I wanted was to rest. Being poked, prodded, question after question and waiting in line is so tiring. I was so happy to have Karen there. She really helped me find where to go and to remember to eat, and was there to take notes if I had questions. We had a bag on wheels that we pulled along with my bag of medications, blood meter, books, computer, purse etc. We were so happy that it was on wheels because it seemed to weigh 100 pounds by the end of the day. We only had to wait 5 minutes for the shuttle to take us back to the hospital campus. Our shuttle driver was very safety conscious and made sure we were all buckled up before even getting in the drivers seat. I wasn't as concerned because I was trying to do a blood sugar reading and was quite crabby after the long day. But I did get it on. About half way back to the hotel/hospital we got broadsided by a black Lincoln SUV. It was a hard hit and it jolted us pretty bad. If I had not buckled up like the driver ordered I would have been tossed to the aisle of the shuttle. As it was, we both were feeling quite sore. Karen's neck was hurting her and I rammed my hip into the seatbelf and used my hand to brace myself for the impact. So instead of going back to hotel, we had to go to the ER. We both completed our forms for the police, and then another shuttle came out to get us. The poor driver that hit us wouldn't even look at us. She seemed pretty upset, but I asked the policeman if she was alright and he said that she was not hurt. I was so glad to hear that. Her poor car looked pretty bad though. The police did determine after all the witness statements that the accident was indeed her fault and they were still dealing with the paperwork and forms as we were shuttled to the hospital. Already exhausted, we checked into the ER and waited at least 2 hours to get into our rooms. Then we each saw a doctor and he ordered x-rays of our necks, and my left hip because i bruised it on the seat-belt. Karen and I had a room across the hall from each other and it was funny because the nurses didn't know that we came in together and I was talking to her and called her by name and the nurse said "there goes HIPA" which is the privacy act. At 9pm we were told that we would be sore tomorrow and they gave us some Tylenol and each of us a prescription for pain medication. By the time we had our release papers and were dressed it was 9:30 at least. We then had to walk to our hotel as shuttle service stops at 9pm. Not a pleasant thing when you are tired, sore, cold, and hungry. It was a little after 10 pm when we finally got back to our room and I had to change out my insulin pump still and while I was doing that Karen set out some yummy cheeses and crackers and veggies and chicken salad and we felt like it was a feast. I tried to blog, but was so tired nothing was making sense. So I just shut the computer and hooked up the machine and went to sleep. So I am writing about day 1 on day 2. But since day 2 has it's own adventures...it needs it's own blog.